Co-Parenting

Following a divorce, it’s understandable to feel uncertain about family events.

The holidays are a joyous time for most families and offer plenty of opportunities for sharing the spirit of the season with the ones who matter most. Finding the right way to manage gift-giving activities after your divorce in California can be a challenging proposition. This is especially true for divorced couples with children. Making sure that you and your former partner communicate your intentions regarding gifts for your children will help you provide the happiest holiday experience for the younger members of your family. Here are some of the most helpful tips for dealing with holiday presents this year. Keep Things Civilized Even if you and your former partner are not on the best of terms, making an effort to communicate in a civilized manner during the holidays can help create a festive atmosphere for everyone involved. If you and your former spouse can find a way to put your differences aside, you can collaborate on the gift-giving process and the entire holiday celebration. This will help ensure the best and most practical solutions for providing your children with the most joyous holidays possible. Compare Notes Nothing can ruin a holiday celebration more quickly than duplicated gifts, especially for expensive items that make up a good portion of your holiday budget. By working together with your former partner to decide on who will buy specific gifts, you will be able to use your available funds in the most practical way. This will reduce the possibility of disappointment when giving gifts to your children during the holiday season. Use Technology to Communicate If you have difficulty in communicating face-to-face or over the phone with your former spouse, email and texting can provide you with a convenient way to touch base without the emotional baggage that can accompany personal interactions. By limiting your communications to methods that require little or no direct back-and-forth discussion, you can promote a more cordial relationship while reducing the risk of misunderstandings or hurt feelings. Give and Let Go Once the presents have been given to your children, it is important to let go of any possessive thoughts about these items and allow your child to decide whether they want to keep your gifts at your home or at your co-parent’s home. This will ensure that your children feel as comfortable and secure as possible. By treating gifts as the exclusive property of your children, you can lower the chance that your children will feel as if your presents come with strings attached. This will help them be more confident and make their own decisions with greater self-assurance. Be Willing to Compromise With any co-parenting relationship, there may be disagreements on the right approach to raising your children after a divorce in California. Finding ways to overcome these disagreements and decide on the appropriate gifts for your children can be essential to your ability to continue to co-parent effectively in the future. A little kindness will go a long way toward resolving issues that could arise from your holiday planning process. By working together with your former spouse, you can create a memorable holiday season and a happy new year for your children and yourselves.

From a scheduling standpoint, the holidays for separated parents always seem to creep up on people unawares. Many co-parents tend to get caught a bit off guard whenever the festive season approaches. However, it is always prudent to prepare your parenting holiday schedule as early as you possibly can. We are all very enthusiastic and energetic about booking vacations and trips or even the decoration aspects of the holidays. Yet, many separated couples can’t find the time to review their custody order or double-check their holiday schedule before it’s too late. It seems this is a major putoff for many co-parents. Still, it is essential to double-check that everything is well in your mindset and well-arranged on your calendar. For example, you may want to exchange some time with your kids with your ex-partner during the holidays. So perhaps the children can spend some time with you on Thanksgiving morning rather than the afternoon. Make sure changes to your holiday parenting schedule are written and notarized On the other hand, if you alternate parenting time by the year, you want to ensure that it is well noted in your calendar to avoid the possibility of unpleasant surprises. If you and your co-parent do not have a set schedule or maybe you have both consented to a change in your holiday schedule, it is always wise to get that change in writing and more importantly, notarized. Even for the most well-intentioned co-parents, there can be a bit of a trade off when it comes to changing the holiday schedule. However, some co-parents are selfish and don’t readily follow through with the switches agreed upon. For instance, you could have given up some of your parenting time, say for Thanksgiving and all the while hoping to get some extra time to spend with your kids during Christmas, but your ex-partner then balks. Unfortunately, there is not much you can do in such a predicament, legally speaking. You won’t be able to get much help from the court system. Courts of law tend to have a short staff closure during Christmas and the week leading up to New Year. During this given period, courts only prioritize processing emergency restraining order requests. In turn, this means any other emergency that arises over the festive season will not be deemed to be important by the court system. Therefore, it is always critical to get everything in writing and notarized to make these informal changes to your holiday schedule more formal. Keep the interest of your children and co-parent in mind  Also, endeavor to be not only an honest, but a considerate co-parent. So unless it is impossible, never back out of plans you and your co-parent make for your kids over the holidays. This is particularly important for the well-being of your kids. Children always remember such moments and it can have a huge impact on them when the holidays are spent witnessing or being caught up in the middle of fights and conflicts between their parents. Typically, kids may forget many things that happen before and after their parents separate. Nevertheless, when it is something that occurs during their birthdays or over the holidays, they will always remember. They will always remember when you fight with your ex-partner or badmouth them behind their back over the holidays, and you do not want those to be the memories of your child. In most cases than not, they might prove to be dark marks on him or her as they grow older. So always take all the time you need to refer to the custody order, negotiate out the co-parenting schedule whenever necessary and finally, have it written down on paper and notarized. Always make sure you are well versed with your holiday custody schedule and if you wish to change something, negotiate it early on, get it in writing and then try your best to keep the transition as amicable as possible. For your children’s sake you should try to keep holiday memories light and merry. This is not the time to get petty and pick little fights with your ex-partner. This is not the time to reprise things that happened in the past. What you need to do is maintain your kids’ emotional and mental peace and yours and your co-parent’s too. 

As your children prepare to return to school this fall, you may be wondering how to help them adjust to the new normal after your divorce. New schedules, new teachers and a new situation at home can all create stress for children and teens. Fortunately, there are a few simple strategies that you can use to help your children navigate this stressful time and to enjoy the best possible chance of success when returning to school this fall. Present a United Front After the divorce process, it is essential for you and your co-parent to discuss bedtimes, homework and academic decisions to make sure that you are both on the same page. Your children depend on you as parents to provide a framework for learning and growth. By maintaining open and respectful lines of communication, you and your former partner can continue to provide the support and structure children and teens need to feel secure. Create Designated Study Spaces Even in the middle of moving and establishing separate households, making sure your children have a safe and quiet place to study is essential for their academic success. If you share custody of your children, this can be duplicated in each of the households in which the children will spend time. A small area dedicated just for studying can be equipped with a laptop or small desktop for research, writing utensils, a flat surface for writing and other necessary items to make studying more enjoyable. This can help your student succeed in school during the divorce process and after it is finalized. Set a Schedule Establishing a schedule and routine is important to create a sense of security and predictability during childhood and adolescence. Even if you were not especially punctual before, creating a schedule and sticking to it is especially important during and after your divorce. By showing that you can be counted on to show up when you say you will, you can help your children to feel more confident about their new living arrangements as they head off to school this fall. Put Family First After a divorce, both you and your children may be redefining the idea of family. Being cordial during the divorce process can make it much easier to include your former spouse as part of your family unit even though you are no longer together as a couple. Although your romantic relationship with your former partner is over, your children will benefit from seeing that your co-parenting relationship and your love and care for them will continue long after the marriage has ended. Write Your Own Story By opting to be cordial to one another during the divorce process, you and your former spouse can help reduce stress and unhappiness for your children. This can translate directly into better academic performance and improved psychological health for kids and teens during the period of transition after a divorce. Working together with your co-parent and providing the tools your children need to succeed can make back-to-school preparations much easier on all parties involved. By putting the needs of your family first, you can navigate the new normal with less stress and greater success.

Holidays like Father’s Day are special celebrations to cherish and appreciate loved ones. For any recently divorced parent, Father’s Day is often marred with anxiety, depression or even strife. Should you be a freshly divorced parent, here are a few tips to make this Father’s Day a holiday to remember that is full of positivity for both yourself and your children. Mothers  Always go out of your way to encourage your kids to not feel any guilt in celebrating your ex-partner, despite what your own feelings towards him might be. If required, even offer a helping hand in making a thoughtful gift for him or if they desire to buy him a present with their own money, gladly take them to the store and offer insights. Granted, you may feel negatively toward your co-parent, and with good reasons, too. However, remember for your children’s well being, it will be better for them to not share in or even be aware of your acrimonious feelings towards their father. The key to your kids’ self-confidence and identity lies in accessing equal love from both of their parents. So don’t hurt them in a similar manner as your ex-partner may have done to you. Lastly, try to be magnanimous by offering your co-parent sufficient time with the kids on Father’s Day.

The Easter holiday is just around the corner. For some families, it will be a fun-filled day replete with gorgeous pastel colors, candy eggs, and even delightful photo opportunities with the fabled Easter bunny. For other families, the festivities might not be as exciting. Many divorced parents tend to struggle with sharing custody during major holidays like Easter. For those parents who will spend some time with their kids on that Sunday, this Easter will certainly be one to remember. However, the other co-parent will definitely feel left out and sad particularly if the divorce was finalized recently. Should you be on that boat, here are some tips you can use if you have to deal with shared custody this Easter holiday. Make the compromise for the sake of your children No matter how hard you wish for it, you might perhaps not spend time with your kids on Easter Sunday. Yet, that does not in any way mean you won’t have the opportunity to celebrate the holiday with them. Traditionally, Easter starts with Holy Thursday and ends with Easter Sunday. So you can always come to an arrangement with your co-parent in which the children spend two consecutive days with each parent. For instance, you could have them with you for Holy Thursday and Good Friday and let them spend Holy Saturday and Easter Sunday with your ex-partner. If this doesn’t work out for one reason or the other, spring break is approaching and you may postpone your Easter celebrations with your children to a different weekend. Put your children’s needs first  You might be still grappling with some leftover issues pertaining to your divorce. As it was earlier mentioned, maybe your marriage ended just recently, and you haven’t had sufficient time to move on. You might be wondering what is there to be joyous about this Easter? While all this is fine and good, it doesn’t mean you should transfer your grief, frustrations, and worries to your kids when you spend time with them. So try to leave all your adult issues out of this festive weekend. In case you find yourself unconsciously reverting back to the negative memories, take time to reflect on just how you treasure your children and how you adore spending some quality time with them. Try to make sure their needs always take first priority. Keep it simple  Oftentimes, many co-parents are pressured into planning over-the-top family activities whenever they host their kids, particularly over weekend holidays. You might be tempted to take your children out on theme park trips or perhaps lavish pricey gifts on them. For most divorced parents this can be the best way to suitably impress their children and portray some sense of superiority over the other co-parent. Nevertheless, it is important to note that what kids need the most is a sense of normalcy. This means it can be helpful to establish an ordinary post-divorce life whenever you have your children in your care. For instance, this coming Easter, you may spend the day dyeing Easter eggs with them, riding bikes with them, or simply playing with the family pet together. All of these activities can be as fun as going on a trip to Disney World. Try to make new memories and family traditions  If you are newly divorced, this Easter might seem quite different from all the other Easters you have celebrated with your loved ones. Still, you could make the effort of living out the various family traditions you have cherished over the years. Alternatively, this should not stop you from trying out new ideas on how to make your time with your children this Easter memorable. Granted, it is okay to feel sad about the Easters you spent as one family in the past, but this is also a splendid opportunity to make new memories and traditions. Make some me-time for yourself  It is important to always look at the brighter side of things. So if you can’t possibly spend some time with your kids this Easter holiday, you should try to focus more on yourself. You can spend the long weekend relaxing and pampering yourself. For example, you could plan to eat out, spend the day by the beach or even head to a spa. On the other hand, if you are a religious person, you can join other believers in the church to commemorate the religious aspect of the Easter holiday. Sharing custody during this coming Easter does not have to be as difficult as it seems at face value. With some compromise and creative thinking, you can make this Easter holiday one that your kids remember for years to come. 

Dealing with the holidays after a divorce can be challenging. Thanksgiving is often a time for family get-togethers and celebrations.

Creating a workable plan for parenting your children after a divorce is essential to promote the most stable environment for these little ones.