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Couple Collaborating About Divorce

How to Talk to Your Spouse About Collaborative Divorce

Collaborative Divorce, Divorce Agreements /

Broaching the topic of divorce with a spouse is never easy. Even when both partners agree that divorce is the best option, navigating the emotional aspects of such a huge decision requires a lot of energy. Moving past the emotional work and into the practical issues that come along with divorce can feel daunting, and is oftentimes uncharted territory for everyone involved. Collaborative divorce, unlike traditional, can offer a supportive environment that encourages the type of healthy communication that can help alleviate much of that stress. First, you will have to decide whether you think a collaborative divorce is a healthy alternative for you. Is your partner capable and available to be a participant in a non confrontational, cooperative process? If you feel that there is mutual respect and a possibility for a peaceable outcome, collaborative divorce may be right for you. If possible, ask your partner what is most important to them during the divorce process. If you both agree that keeping the family’s well being at the center of the divorce is the number one priority, then suggesting a collaborative divorce to your spouse may be the right choice. Once you have decided to move forward with a collaborative divorce, make sure you and your spouse understand exactly what that will entail. Seeking out resources, both separately and together, can help answer questions and ease fears. Learning about the process together ensures you understand what will be expected of you both, and an informed agreement can be made on both sides. Expressing your commitment to reaching a peaceful resolution can help set a productive, respectful tone for the rest of the process. Next, you will both need to find individual representation that you are comfortable working with. Be transparent and use open communication in order to assure your spouse that you desire to work as a team as often as possible, even as you decide to go your separate ways. It may not always be easy to remain amicable, but a commitment to peace can go a long way in reducing stress and resolving disputes as they arise. For more information on the collaborative divorce process, contact the Law Offices of Julia Brungess.

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Divorce Papers Served by Social Media, Is it Legal?

Divorce Advice /

If you have decided to seek a divorce and are the one petitioning for the divorce, you must serve your spouse with divorce papers. You may be wondering how to do this or whether you have the option of serving them via social media. The answer to whether it is legal for divorce papers to be served by social media depends on the specifics of each case, and in what state the case is filed.   Initiating the Divorce Process in California According to California divorce law (Cal Rules of Ct 5.74)—when you decide to divorce—you must file a petition and obtain an issuance of summons to begin judicial proceedings. In California, a Petition for Dissolution of Marriage must be personally served on the other party.   Serving Divorce Papers As outlined in Cal Rules of Ct 5.68(a), there are four methods petitioners may use to serve divorce papers in California. Personal Service Substituted Service Service by Mail and Acknowledgment of Receipt Service by Publication or Posting A problem that can arise when using any of the methods previously mentioned is they all require the petitioner to be able to locate the recipient geographically. The majority of people seeking a divorce can usually find their spouses. However, there are situations where the petitioner is unable to physically find the recipient because they are purposely avoiding the process for being served or have been out of touch for long periods of time. It is in these situations that a court might consider a request acceptable to dip into the virtual world and allow service of the divorce papers using an approved social media platform. Social Media for Serving Divorce Papers   California law does not allow the Summons and Petition to be served using social media platforms, and the state has yet to allow a petitioner to serve divorce papers using Facebook. However, that could change.       The Divorce Case that May Pave the Way In the case of Baidoo v. Blood-Dzraku case in New York, Ms. Baidoo pleaded with the courts for permission to serve papers through Facebook because she was unable to locate her husband. In the case of Ms. Baidoo, the courts of New York decided that Facebook could be considered a service for publication or posting. If the courts had not approved Ms. Baidoo’s request to utilize Facebook, she would have been forced to take out a legal notice ad in the New York Daily News, which would have cost $1,000. In cases where all other measures for contacting the recipient have been exhausted, the person filing for divorce could petition the court for special permission to use social media. Using Facebook adds a layer of security that you will not have if posting a legal notice in a newspaper because, with Facebook, there is a notification and timestamp identifying when the recipient views a message. It is this detail that may open the door to social media service in CA. While serving divorce papers through social media is not yet allowed in CA, it may someday be acceptable to use social media platforms to serve divorce papers when all other measures have been exhausted, and the whereabouts of one spouse is unknown.   If you or someone you know needs help with the divorce process, the Law Office of Julia Ann Brungess can help! For more information, call 559-226-4008 today!

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Parenting-Sending-Child-Off-To-Start-School-Year

How to Create Successful Parenting Plans for the School Year

Child Custody /

Returning to school after summer break can be a stressful time for children because there can be a lot of change involved. Some kids may jump at the idea of being in a new classroom with a new teacher and classmates while others, may feel anxious and nervous.   When children go back to school, it can also be a difficult time for divorced couples especially when parenting arrangements are not predetermined. Common concerns that can often arise include who will go to parent-teacher conferences, who will take care of the child when he or she is ill and who will be the point of contact in the case of an emergency.   To help the entire family make a smooth transition into the school year, parents can take initiative and address key areas ahead of time so that there is zero conflict surrounding the return to school. The idea is to address all of the areas that can potentially become problems and set expectations ahead of time. Topics that divorced or separated parents may want to discuss, include the following:   Back to School Shopping With children going back to school comes the responsibility of getting them prepared. School preparations often involve going shopping for things like school supplies, sports equipment and new clothing. It is important for separated parents to communicate with one another, discuss what is needed and decide on a plan for who will purchase what items.   Parents involved in a successful co-parenting plan may decide to shop together as a family while others may choose to take a different approach. It can be fairly common to see couples agree to go “Dutch” with the school supplies and split the final cost total straight down the middle or divide the list in two and each be responsible for purchasing specific items. Regardless of what is decided, prearranging back to school shopping plans can be a wise decision because it can help alleviate stress for both parents and children.   School Schedules With all of the extra-curricular activities children may be involved in, coordinating school schedules can become quite the ordeal even for parents who are not divorced. When divided between two households, scheduling takes on a whole new level of complexity, so it is important to stay on top of things and generate a detailed plan for dealing with school schedules.   If parents are unable to come together to make joint decisions, it may help to predetermine which parent will have the decision-making authority when it comes to after school activities. It may also prove to be of great benefit to decide how to handle transportation to and from extracurricular activities. With full schedules, it can even help to create a shared calendar with your ex so that you can eliminate any miscommunication.   School Contact   It can also help to determine which parent will serve as the emergency contact and develop a process for sharing school-related information. You may also want to decide on who will be the point of contact for the school and the teacher. Will it be both parents or just one? If just one parent—will the or she be responsible for relaying all of the messages and if so, how will this be accomplished? Will messages be shared via email or phone? These are all factors you may want to consider when creating a process for keeping everyone informed.       Communication   Children whose parents are divorced should not serve as a messenger. Parents should always talk directly to each other because using children as the in between can cause him or her lots of stress. If you find yourself disagreeing with your spouse regarding scheduling conflicts, find a place to work things out with your husband or wife that does not involve your children. Remember, your goal should always be to keep things simple and stress-free for your kids.         If you and your spouse find yourselves unable to come together  to establish a successful back-to-school parenting plan, the Law Office of Julia Ann Brungess can help! Contact Us Today!

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Sharing Custody if You do not Share Religion

Child Custody /

When you and your spouse do not share a common religion, it can further complicate your divorce especially when you both wish to share your religion and cultural traditions with your child. The good news is that even though you both have differing religious views, there are ways to share custody and religion.   In divorce proceedings, the courts tend to leave religion out of the equation unless you or your spouse bring up concerns about how the other’s religious preferences may be endangering the welfare of your child. With most courts leaving it to parents to decide, more couples seem to be agreeing to raise their children with two religions. Some people may argue that children raised with two faiths may grow up confused. However, that may not always be the case because if you are an interfaith couple and decide to raise your child with two religions, it can benefit him or her through promoting the following:     Clarity About Differences If you are an interfaith couple and force your child into identifying with only one religion, he or she may struggle with feeling guilty or angry on behalf of the parent that now practices a different religion. The good news is that if you encourage your child to practice multiple religions, he or she may not develop this animosity towards one parent. Initially, your child may feel a bit confused because he or she is practicing two religions. However, the idea is that in the end, your child will feel less confused because he or she is learning more about differences.       Respect You can teach your child an invaluable lesson by encouraging him or her to practice and learn about two separate religions. Children will often identify and appreciate the respect you show them by helping them to make their own decisions regarding their religion. Contrary to what some couples may believe, agreeing to raise interfaith children does not have to be viewed as a compromise but more of a liberalizing decision. Lead by example and teach your child a valuable life lesson about respect and when the time comes, honor his or her decision to choose.       Acceptance Deciding to raise your child as interfaith does not mean you will mesh the two religions together. Instead, you will help your child learn about and understand two different faiths. In doing this, you can contribute to teaching him or her about multiculturalism and the importance of acceptance in the world.       Inquisitiveness Teaching your child about two religions promotes the idea that there is always more to learn and can consequently lead him or her to become more inquisitive and ask more questions. Asking questions will help your child learn and is an important habit of innovative thinkers, and who does not want his or her child to be a creative thinker?   As you can see, there are many benefits to raising an interfaith child. However, the reality is that not everyone can agree to these terms. If you and your spouse are unable to agree to your child’s religious pursuits, and you require legal assistance, contact the Law Office of Julia Ann Brungess. We are here to help with collaboration, mediation and if needed, litigation.   Contact Us Today

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When Collaborative Divorce May Be Your Best Option

Collaborative Divorce, Divorce Advice /

When two people seek a divorce, it is often a tough time for all involved. In many situations, a couple agrees that they would like to make the divorce process as amicable as possible. At this point, a couple has the option to choose between two alternative dispute processes, mediation or collaborative divorce. Similar to marriages, there are no two divorces that are the same. In making this point, it is important to note that when deciding between collaboration and mediation, there isn’t a clear distinction proving that one is better than the other. In fact, determining the better choice will be directly dependent on each couple’s individual circumstances. Today, we will focus on when it may be best to pursue a collaborative divorce.   When There Are Children Involved Contrary to popular belief, it is not the divorce that has an adverse impact on children; it is the level of marital conflict that can exist as a result of the divorce. The collaborative divorce process helps protect children against this conflict and the negative implications associated with a divorce through promoting a problem solving environment. With a collaborative divorce, a child’s needs are made the priority so any actions taken are always in the child’s best interest. In making the decision to put children first, parents agree not to involve their children in disagreements. Parents will also refrain from using children as message carriers and will commit to speaking respectfully about each other. These actions help maintain a child’s health and well ­being because they promote a healthy environment where children are free to love both parents.   When You Want Control over the Outcome Avoid Litigation Unlike a traditional divorce where litigation is involved, a significant benefit to collaborative law is that you and your former spouse are in complete control of the decisions being made. Design Your Resolution Working with a collaborative attorney allows you and your spouse to develop an agreement that works best for you and your entire family.   When You Feel Comfortable Communicating and Being Honest The core belief supporting the collaborative divorce process is that divorce is a major life event that involves legal, emotional and financial elements. To help couples make decisions throughout the divorce process, the trained professional collaborative team guides the parties, answering questions and providing input along the way. It is important that when working with these professionals, you keep a clear and honest line of communication open because it can help ensure that the decisions made by you and your spouse are those that best serve your entire family.   When You Are Decisive It is true that you will have experts providing guidance during the collaborative divorce process. However, it is important to remember that you and your former spouse will ultimately decide what settlement terms work best. If you are unable to make a decision and reach an agreement during the collaborative process, you may find a more traditional form of divorce works better for you.

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Parenting-During-the-Summer

Helpful Suggestions for Handling Parenting Plans During Summer Vacation

Child Custody /

The majority of parenting plans outline how to handle time-share during the summer months. However, even when a set schedule is in place, conflicts may arise for a variety of reasons such as when: one spouse wishes to take an out-of-state vacation a parent’s work schedule does not align with his or her designated times with the children. It is important to avoid subjecting children to unnecessary conflict associated with adjusting the parenting plan so it may be best for parents to keep an open mind and work together so that summer vacation runs seamlessly for everyone. To help with the process of arranging time-share during the summer months, here are some helpful tips.   Plan Vacations Well in Advance It is essential to plan your vacation, set a schedule and stick to that itinerary especially if your planned vacation digs into your ex’s time with your child. If you fail to establish vacation time and agree to certain terms, you risk upsetting everyone’s summer and returning to court due to time-share. Reaching an agreement that pleases everyone may not be an issue for parents committed to successfully co-parenting. However, for parents struggling to keep things amicable, agreeing to summer vacations can be a real challenge. If you are in such a challenging situation such as this, it can be beneficial to sit down with your ex to create a summer vacation schedule that can be signed and enforceable. If needed, you and your spouse can seek assistance from a family law lawyer or mediator who can help make the necessary arrangements to set the summer vacation schedule so all parties are clear on when and where the kids will be throughout the summer.   Practice Open Communication Communicate With Each Other to Successfully Co-Parent Open and clear communication can be essential to successful co-parenting so if you and your spouse are on decent terms, be sure to communicate directly with one another when scheduling issues arise. It is vital to refrain from using children as messengers so make sure all planning and scheduling concerns stay among adults. Encourage Children to Maintain Communication With Their Other Parent When it comes to communication, it is also important that parents with custody consider the other parent and allow their child to communicate with them while on vacation.   Always Consider Your Child’s Feelings Emotions For kids, a summer vacation arrangement may be a huge change especially if the child will be staying in a new environment, spending significantly less time with one parent or is subjected to meeting new people. It is helpful to identify the emotional impact this can have on children so that you, as a parent, can help them through this difficult time. Talking to your child and explaining to him or her that the emotions he or she is feeling are valid can contribute to the child maintaining emotional stability. An important note to parents here is to acknowledge the fact that children may drastically miss their other parent. Missing the parent they are apart from is a normal feeling for a child and should not be taken personally. If you live in the Fresno area and are having issues resolving parenting plan disputes, contact the Law Office of Julia Ann Brungess.

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Decision Making in a Collaborative Divorce

Collaborative Divorce /

The ability to make decisions on a large number of big and small issues throughout the divorce process is an indispensable aspect of a successful collaborative divorce. By choosing to use the collaborative divorce process, you and your spouse mutually agree that you will work out the settlement terms in your divorce outside of court, although a judge will need to approve your proposed settlement terms before they are finalized. Along the way, you both will be asked to make decisions. Some of the decisions are relatively small, such as who the children will be with on certain three-day weekends or how you will rotate holidays. Other decisions can feel much bigger, such as who will keep the shared home or whether it will be sold after the divorce is final, or how retirement savings will be transferred from one spouse to the other. Big decisions can feel intimidating, and oftentimes, differing perspectives emerge. In a collaborative divorce, you will never be left to make these important decisions alone. At the core of the collaborative divorce approach is the belief that divorce is a life event that includes legal, emotional, and financial elements.  As a result, you and your partner will work with trained professionals all the way through the case, educating and advising you  from all of three of these perspectives before you are ever asked to make any large, life-changing decision. Keeping a clear and honest line of communication with your collaborative team can help ensure that the decisions you make will be the ones that best serve you and your family. This teamwork approach is vital to the process, but after all of the information has been disclosed and discussed and all of the various settlement options fully explored, you and your former spouse will ultimately be asked to decide what settlement terms work best. If you can not come to an agreement outside of court, it may be necessary to use a more traditional form of divorce. Having to turn to a more combative approach after agreeing to work together can feel disappointing, but  ultimately doing the best thing for your unique situation is always the most important decision you can make, even if it differs from your original plans. By staying honest with your needs and committing to open communication with your former partner and collaborative divorce team, you can ensure that you are doing the best thing for yourself and your family. Divorce isn’t going to be easy, but by committing to work together through whatever may come, you can ease the stress that is oftentimes associated with such a big life transition.

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Dating After Divorce

Divorce Advice /

It can be hard to imagine ever dating again while you are going through a divorce. It takes most of your emotional energy to remain present with the practical decisions that need to be made while you are navigating the heartbreak and loneliness that can often come along with a divorce. Like most things, it simply takes time before you feel you are ready to get back out in the dating world. One of the benefits of a collaborative divorce is that it is designed to reduce conflict and the resulting drama that can occur in a traditional divorce. When you approach your divorce with a healthy, communicative attitude, it can make room for you to begin to nurture yourself, and eventually, relationships with other people. Once you have turned the corner in your divorce and are starting to consider the future, it can be beneficial to begin by focusing on yourself. This can look like talking to a therapist, returning to a favorite hobby you haven’t had time for in a while, or going the extra mile to pamper yourself. A good diet, exercise, and lots of sleep are always important, but perhaps more so when you are going through a big life change. Even with a collaborative divorce, going from a married lifestyle to a single one can be take its toll. By giving yourself the necessary time out to nurture your own well being–both emotional and physical–you may find you have more to give when the time comes to date. If you are beginning to feel an interest in dating again, a great way to approach this with less pressure is to organize group outings. Whether you go to a new restaurant with your best girlfriends or get people from the office together for a night of bowling, you can start to exercise your social muscles as a single person while you meet new people. This can be more comfortable than jumping right into one-on-one dates, and by participating in fun activities you enjoy, you will naturally meet people with similar interests. If you meet someone who sparks your interest, remember that there is no rush. You can take it as slowly as you need to, and it’s important to be honest with the person about your emotional availability. A supportive, mature individual who is generally interested in you will be willing to wait and develop a friendship while you are processing your divorce. There is no “right way” or “right time,” so go with what feels healthy and natural. If your ex-spouse is still a part of your life (which is often the case if there are children involved), it can be thoughtful to let them know that you are dating again. If he or she was able to work with you through a healthy collaborative divorce process, chances are he or she will be willing to behave respectfully towards you and any new people who come into your life. If you are just starting the divorce process and can’t imagine dating right now, that’s ok and completely normal. Every relationship, couple, and divorce are unique. Listening to yourself, your partner, and your collaborative divorce team as you move through the divorce process is a great first step towards maintaining a healthy mental and emotional state that will serve you once you are ready to explore dating again.

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Rebuilding After Divorce

Divorce Advice /

With the beginning of a new year, our thoughts naturally turn to beginnings and big changes that can help create a happier, healthier life. However, when you’re experiencing something as life changing as a divorce, simple resolutions aren’t the first thing on your mind. However, this doesn’t mean you can’t use the ringing in of the new year to help you refocus and begin to take steps towards rebuilding, both practically and emotionally. With a collaborative divorce, you will work with your partner and collaborative team to reach agreements surrounding your separation as peaceably as possible. This method, as opposed to a more traditional, combative approach, can leave time and energy for you to consider the possibilities of life after divorce. So where to begin? Here are a few simple suggestions to get you started on the road to a new life and new you: First, and perhaps most importantly, let yourself grieve. Even if the divorce was agreed upon by both individuals, it is important to give yourself plenty of time and patience to feel whatever you need to feel about the split. Everyone’s experience is different, so listening to yourself is very important. Find support where you need it, either professionally, with friends, or both. It’s ok to not be “normal” for a while. Get to know yourself. Our roles as spouses become a big part of our identity. What does it mean to be you when you are no longer someone’s husband or wife? Using a journal can be helpful to get reaquainted with who you are on your own. Try making a list of all of the things you already like about yourself and another list of things you’d like to work on and develop. Once you’re ready, make new friends. Oftentimes your social circle can be disrupted by a divorce. While your real friends will stand with you no matter what, you may find that people who you thought would be there for you aren’t picking up the phone. This is a great time to start meeting new people with similar interests as you. Look for activities you enjoy and you’ll naturally find yourself amongst like minded people. Celebrate being single. Once you have made your way through the darker side of divorce, start focusing on the positives of being single. This can look like taking a trip you’ve always wanted, going out on dates, or sleeping in on a Sunday. Don’t feel like there is a right or wrong way to do this; everyone has their own timeline and way of doing things when it comes to processing a divorce. By embracing the change and looking for the positives, you can encourage growth as No matter what, divorce will be challenging. Know that there will be low moments, but also look forward to, and never feel guilty about, the unexpected happiness and excitement that can come from rebuilding. Collaborative divorce provides a supportive and thoughtful environment where the practical issues can be worked out with a commitment to peace and resolution from both parties. This can set the tone for a positive and productive start to a new life.

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Divorce and the Holidays

Divorce Advice /

The holidays are normally about family coming together, but what happens when you and your spouse are negotiating a divorce during this special time of year? Big changes can bring about undue stress, especially when they come as the result of conflict. However, it is still possible to have a peaceful holiday season, even during such a big life change. Just because your family dynamic is changing doesn’t mean that you can’t guard your loved ones from the stresses associated with a more traditional, confrontational divorce. By choosing a collaborative divorce method, you and your former partner can work together to decide what is best for everyone. How will the holidays be spent during the divorce? At whose home will celebrations take place? Will you still spend them together or split the time between parents? Answering these questions with the support of a team of compassionate legal professionals can create an environment of cooperation in spite of irreconcilable differences. More importantly, you can decide on a way to share these changes with other family members, and especially children, who might be feeling anxiety about how a divorce will affect not only their holidays, but the rest of their lives as well. At the Law Offices of Julia Brungess, we believe that that through creative thoughtfulness and open communication it is possible to reach a resolution that can keep everyone’s best interests at heart. Divorce comes with trauma no matter what, but it is possible to lessen the impact and preserve important family relationships so you and your loved ones can look forward to many harmonious and joyful holiday seasons to come.

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