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It can be hard to imagine ever dating again while you are going through a divorce. It takes most of your emotional energy to remain present with the practical decisions that need to be made while you are navigating the heartbreak and loneliness that can often come along with a divorce. Like most things, it simply takes time before you feel you are ready to get back out in the dating world. One of the benefits of a collaborative divorce is that it is designed to reduce conflict and the resulting drama that can occur in a traditional divorce. When you approach your divorce with a healthy, communicative attitude, it can make room for you to begin to nurture yourself, and eventually, relationships with other people. Once you have turned the corner in your divorce and are starting to consider the future, it can be beneficial to begin by focusing on yourself. This can look like talking to a therapist, returning to a favorite hobby you haven’t had time for in a while, or going the extra mile to pamper yourself. A good diet, exercise, and lots of sleep are always important, but perhaps more so when you are going through a big life change. Even with a collaborative divorce, going from a married lifestyle to a single one can be take its toll. By giving yourself the necessary time out to nurture your own well being–both emotional and physical–you may find you have more to give when the time comes to date. If you are beginning to feel an interest in dating again, a great way to approach this with less pressure is to organize group outings. Whether you go to a new restaurant with your best girlfriends or get people from the office together for a night of bowling, you can start to exercise your social muscles as a single person while you meet new people. This can be more comfortable than jumping right into one-on-one dates, and by participating in fun activities you enjoy, you will naturally meet people with similar interests. If you meet someone who sparks your interest, remember that there is no rush. You can take it as slowly as you need to, and it’s important to be honest with the person about your emotional availability. A supportive, mature individual who is generally interested in you will be willing to wait and develop a friendship while you are processing your divorce. There is no “right way” or “right time,” so go with what feels healthy and natural. If your ex-spouse is still a part of your life (which is often the case if there are children involved), it can be thoughtful to let them know that you are dating again. If he or she was able to work with you through a healthy collaborative divorce process, chances are he or she will be willing to behave respectfully towards you and any new people who come into your life. If you are just starting the divorce process and can’t imagine dating right now, that’s ok and completely normal. Every relationship, couple, and divorce are unique. Listening to yourself, your partner, and your collaborative divorce team as you move through the divorce process is a great first step towards maintaining a healthy mental and emotional state that will serve you once you are ready to explore dating again.

With the beginning of a new year, our thoughts naturally turn to beginnings and big changes that can help create a happier, healthier life. However, when you’re experiencing something as life changing as a divorce, simple resolutions aren’t the first thing on your mind. However, this doesn’t mean you can’t use the ringing in of the new year to help you refocus and begin to take steps towards rebuilding, both practically and emotionally. With a collaborative divorce, you will work with your partner and collaborative team to reach agreements surrounding your separation as peaceably as possible. This method, as opposed to a more traditional, combative approach, can leave time and energy for you to consider the possibilities of life after divorce. So where to begin? Here are a few simple suggestions to get you started on the road to a new life and new you: First, and perhaps most importantly, let yourself grieve. Even if the divorce was agreed upon by both individuals, it is important to give yourself plenty of time and patience to feel whatever you need to feel about the split. Everyone’s experience is different, so listening to yourself is very important. Find support where you need it, either professionally, with friends, or both. It’s ok to not be “normal” for a while. Get to know yourself. Our roles as spouses become a big part of our identity. What does it mean to be you when you are no longer someone’s husband or wife? Using a journal can be helpful to get reaquainted with who you are on your own. Try making a list of all of the things you already like about yourself and another list of things you’d like to work on and develop. Once you’re ready, make new friends. Oftentimes your social circle can be disrupted by a divorce. While your real friends will stand with you no matter what, you may find that people who you thought would be there for you aren’t picking up the phone. This is a great time to start meeting new people with similar interests as you. Look for activities you enjoy and you’ll naturally find yourself amongst like minded people. Celebrate being single. Once you have made your way through the darker side of divorce, start focusing on the positives of being single. This can look like taking a trip you’ve always wanted, going out on dates, or sleeping in on a Sunday. Don’t feel like there is a right or wrong way to do this; everyone has their own timeline and way of doing things when it comes to processing a divorce. By embracing the change and looking for the positives, you can encourage growth as No matter what, divorce will be challenging. Know that there will be low moments, but also look forward to, and never feel guilty about, the unexpected happiness and excitement that can come from rebuilding. Collaborative divorce provides a supportive and thoughtful environment where the practical issues can be worked out with a commitment to peace and resolution from both parties. This can set the tone for a positive and productive start to a new life.

The holidays are normally about family coming together, but what happens when you and your spouse are negotiating a divorce during this special time of year? Big changes can bring about undue stress, especially when they come as the result of conflict. However, it is still possible to have a peaceful holiday season, even during such a big life change. Just because your family dynamic is changing doesn’t mean that you can’t guard your loved ones from the stresses associated with a more traditional, confrontational divorce. By choosing a collaborative divorce method, you and your former partner can work together to decide what is best for everyone. How will the holidays be spent during the divorce? At whose home will celebrations take place? Will you still spend them together or split the time between parents? Answering these questions with the support of a team of compassionate legal professionals can create an environment of cooperation in spite of irreconcilable differences. More importantly, you can decide on a way to share these changes with other family members, and especially children, who might be feeling anxiety about how a divorce will affect not only their holidays, but the rest of their lives as well. At the Law Offices of Julia Brungess, we believe that that through creative thoughtfulness and open communication it is possible to reach a resolution that can keep everyone’s best interests at heart. Divorce comes with trauma no matter what, but it is possible to lessen the impact and preserve important family relationships so you and your loved ones can look forward to many harmonious and joyful holiday seasons to come.

  Broaching the topic of divorce with a spouse is never easy. Even when both partners agree that divorce is the best option, navigating the emotional aspects of such a huge decision requires a lot of energy. Moving past the emotional work and into the practical issues that come along with divorce can feel daunting, and is oftentimes uncharted territory for everyone involved. Collaborative divorce, unlike traditional, can offer a supportive environment that encourages the type of healthy communication that can help alleviate much of that stress. First, you will have to decide whether you think a collaborative divorce is a healthy alternative for you. Is your partner capable and available to be a participant in a nonconfrontational, cooperative process? If you feel that there is mutual respect and a possibility for a peaceable outcome, collaborative divorce may be right for you. If possible, ask your partner what is most important to them during the divorce process. If you both agree that keeping the family’s well being at the center of the divorce is the number one priority, then suggesting a collaborative divorce to your spouse may be the right choice. Once you have decided to move forward with a collaborative divorce, make sure you and your spouse understand exactly what that will entail. Seeking out resources, both separately and together, can help answer questions and ease fears. Learning about the process <<link to last month’s blog>> together ensures you understand what will be expected of you both, and an informed agreement can be made on both sides. Expressing your commitment to reaching a peaceful resolution can help set a productive, respectful tone for the rest of the process. Next, you will both need to find individual representation that you are comfortable working with. Be transparent and use open communication in order to assure your spouse that you desire to work as a team as often as possible, even as you decide to go your separate ways. It may not always be easy to remain amicable, but a commitment to peace can go a long way in reducing stress and resolving disputes as they arise. For more information on the collaborative divorce process, contact the Law Offices of Julia Brungess.

Knowing how to support your children through a divorce can feel daunting. Divorce brings change no matter what, but there are many ways you can help your child cope with the change while providing routine and keeping him or her informed to mitigate anxiety. With a collaborative divorce, you and your partner can discuss what strategies you will use together to keep your children from experiencing unnecessary stress. With the help of a collaboration team, a peaceful and healthy environment can be created so your children can continue to thrive, even through a difficult time. There are several ways you can help your child through your divorce. With a combination of clear communication and established routines, children can feel safe while they process such a large life event.   Ask and listen. Talk to your child and encourage him or her to share his or her fears and concerns about your new life after divorce. By giving them your ear, they will know they are important and will not be forgotten by either of their parents. Provide routine. Work with your spouse to create a routine and schedule, and stick to it. Who will be picking them up from soccer practice? Where will they spend the weekends? Creating this schedule from the beginning shows your children they can look to you for security and structure, no matter the situation. Remain neutral. Never speak poorly of your former partner or show jealousy for time or relationship shared with them by your children. By continuing to support the relationship your child has with your former life partner, you avoid creating feelings of conflict and anxiety that can arise for children during divorce.   Every family is different, and so dealing with divorce within your family is going to be a unique experience. However, by following basic tenets of respect and communication, you can set a healthy foundation to build from while you, your partner, and collaboration team work with the practical elements of your divorce process. At the Law Offices of Julia Brungess, we are committed to preserving the family dynamic whenever possible. If you and your partner are considering a divorce, contact us today to learn more about how a collaborative divorce can help keep your family at the center of your decision making during a difficult time.

Words are powerful. Whether they are harsh and painful or encouraging and uplifting, the words of our loved ones tend to stick with us. When you are going through a divorce, it can be easy to let your former life partner have it – the marriage is over anyway, so why not say what you really feel? The reality is that even though things are over, odds are that your lives will still be connected after the divorce, whether through mutual friends and family, or even more importantly, children. By resolving to speak with kindness whenever possible during your divorce proceedings, you not only set a good example for your children, but you can begin to lay the groundwork for a respectful relationship in the future. Speaking kindly is not always an easy task, as divorce can be a frustrating and emotional process. By agreeing on using positive language whenever possible ahead of time, you and your spouse can ensure that you are both working to foster a healthy environment for both you and your children and extended family. Here are some ideas on where to start: Avoid accusations. Instead of accusing your former partner of bad behavior, focus on how you feel instead. Instead of, “You are selfish!” try “I don’t feel like you are considering my needs right now.” Leave the past in the past. This can be difficult, but whenever possible, leave past transgressions behind you. You have already made the decision to move on, so try focusing on the present and future. Stick to business. If you find that your emotions are running too high to stay calm and kind, agree to limit communication to practical matters only. By using restraint, you create space for an opportunity to build a cooperative relationship with your spouse in the future. Avoid negative talk in front of your children.  If you have to argue or find yourself unable to speak kindly, avoid confrontations in front of your children. Divorce is difficult for them to process, but by modeling kindness towards your spouse, you can reassure them that their parents still respect and love each other. Words can build the listener up or break him or her down. If you can make a commitment to use kind language during a difficult transition, you are taking an important step towards resolution in your divorce, and more importantly, your life afterwards. Here at the Law Offices of Julia Ann Brungess, our collaborative divorce methods are built around cooperation, understanding, and mutual respect. To learn more about collaborative divorce and how it can work for your family, contact us today at (559) 226-4008.