Co-Parenting

The COVID-19 pandemic has presented significant problems for nearly every sector of the economy and every part of our society. Coronavirus and the restrictions associated with this illness can have an especially large impact on blended families. Understanding some of the possible effects of the coronavirus on divorced and blended families will provide added help in navigating the new normal for parents and children. Here are some of the most common challenges facing blended families during the COVID-19 outbreak. Living Arrangements and Custody Balancing the need to reduce the potential risk of coronavirus with the right of parents to see their children after a divorce can be a real challenge, especially if one or both families include individuals at serious risk if they should contract the virus. Finding ways to negotiate these situations to keep all family members as safe as possible can be difficult for parents sharing custody of their children in the state of California. Parents may feel that their rights to custody or visitation are being disregarded because of unfounded fears about the transmission of COVID-19. On the other side of the equation, some parents may be worried about the added risk that the virus poses to certain vulnerable members of their family. Finding a mutually beneficial way to balance health concerns and the rights of custodial and non-custodial parents to spend time with children can be difficult. It is important to consider the matter from the perspective of the other parent to find the right solution for your blended family. Enforced Togetherness In areas where COVID-19 stay-at-home orders are in place, children and adults alike may find it difficult to achieve a measure of privacy inside or outside your home. This can be especially problematic for newly blended families without clear-cut boundaries and spaces for each member to call his or her own. The ability to retreat from social interactions within the family is of critical importance in maintaining good relationships and preserving the emotional health of parents and children. Experts recommend assigning each individual an area to which they can escape and enjoy some privacy. This can be anywhere indoors or outdoors on your property that the adult or child feels comfortable. When discussions or interactions become too intense or when one of you just needs a break, retreating to your own personal safe space is a great way to promote a healthier and happier blended family now and when the pandemic restrictions are relaxed. A little time apart can make time spent together even better for your entire family. Increased Stress The dramatic change in daily routines and fears about the coronavirus have had an impact on almost every family in California and across the United States. The added stress can make even minor conflicts feel like major issues. It is important for you and your entire family to make allowances for this stress and to accept that there will be some added friction and overreaction by adults and children during this difficult time. This can help you and your blended family to weather the current storm and to promote the healthiest relationships now and in the future.

The coronavirus pandemic has had a real impact on almost every aspect of American society. Shelter-in-place orders and work-from-home arrangements have created enforced closeness for many couples who may be unaccustomed to spending so much time together.

The coronavirus pandemic has had a dramatic impact on life in the United States. Parents who share custody of their children after a divorce should consider the way in which their actions could affect their children and their former spouse or partner. In some cases, making temporary changes to the custody schedule could provide added protection for the younger members of your family and the two households involved in your custody arrangements. Here are some of the most practical and positive tips for staying connected in your co-parenting duties during the COVID-19 emergency. Put Your Children First If you are worried that you may have been exposed to COVID-19 during the course of your daily activities, taking steps to prevent the potential transmission of coronavirus to your co-parent and your children is essential. Although it is believed children are less likely to contract serious or fatal cases of the disease, some younger people have been hospitalized or have died from COVID-19 over the past few weeks. Practicing social distancing and limiting activities in public to the bare minimum is the most responsible way to deal with the current pandemic and manage your parenting duties. Establish Common Priorities For both you and your co-parent, establishing a set of priorities for your children and your activities will help you manage the stresses and challenges of this trying time. Depending on where you live and the restrictions on activities in your area, you may need to establish schedules for homeschooling, completing schoolwork and managing screen time for your children. Setting aside some time each day for safe and distanced outside play will also help you and your co-parent keep your children happy and healthy for the duration of the COVID-19 outbreak. Create Alternative Strategies for Communicating If you normally communicate with your co-parent through face-to-face conversations, now may be the best time to shift to telephonic contacts and teleconferencing applications like Skype or Facetime. This can also keep grandparents and extended family members close without presenting the risk of spreading the coronavirus to these vulnerable individuals. By implementing these co-parenting communication methods, you can practice social distancing while keeping in touch with your loved ones. Make Accommodations Income levels can fluctuate significantly for those affected by the coronavirus pandemic. Gig workers and those in non-essential industries may be laid off or may experience a significant reduction in the work they can perform and the pay they receive. Being flexible and making allowances for changes in income and the ability to pay child support can help you to continue co-parenting successfully and can set the stage for future cooperation after the current emergency situation is over. Most family court services are limited during the COVID-19 pandemic to prevent the spread of the virus. As a result, it is essential for you and your co-parent to find ways to resolve issues without recourse to these legal avenues. This will help you demonstrate your willingness to adjust to changing conditions and work with your co-parent to create the best environment for your children.

Knowing how to talk to your children about divorce can help you and your former partner provide the support needed to help your kids navigate through this difficult process. A few simple tips can make a big difference in the ability of your children to understand and adjust to the new situation. Here are five proven strategies for explaining the divorce process to your children. Allow Plenty of Time Choosing a time without any major distractions or scheduling problems is essential to provide your children with plenty of opportunities to ask questions and for you to calm their fears. Your kids will typically have concerns about their future living arrangements, where they will go to school and how much time they will have with each of their parents during and after the divorce. Be ready to answer these questions and to soothe any worries your children may have about their own well-being after the divorce. Present a United Front Even if you and your former partner are not on the best of terms, it is usually preferable to break the news to your children together. This will allow you to demonstrate that both you and your former partner intend to continue to be part of each child’s life now and after the divorce process is completed. By letting your children know the news in a unified and calm way, you can lower their stress levels during this difficult time. Avoid Open Hostility Divorce can be difficult for all parties. Hurt feelings and blame for the breakdown of the relationship can make it difficult for you and your former partner to communicate calmly about your divorce. Most experts recommend, however, that you avoid saying negative things about your former partner to your children during any discussions about divorce. You and your co-parent will be sharing the responsibility for your children for years to come. Keeping things civil during the divorce will help you establish the best foundation for your children’s future happiness. Watch for Signs of Trouble Children may act out or become depressed after you talk to them about your divorce. Keeping a close eye on their behaviors during the days, weeks and months after you speak to them about your plans to divorce will allow you to act quickly to help them cope. It may also be helpful to schedule a conference with the teachers of your children to let them know about your divorce and to ensure that they are aware of the extenuating circumstances for your children. Consider the Age of Your Children Younger children do not need the same level of detail about living arrangements and other issues related to divorce. Simply letting them know that you and your former partner are not getting along and that you will be living in separate homes is usually enough for these younger children. Older children may have many more questions about where they will go to school and with whom they will live. Making sure that children of all ages feel secure and safe during the divorce process is essential to ensure the best outcomes for your family. Keeping these five tips in mind can allow you to navigate your divorce more easily and can help your children weather the process in the most positive way possible.

Making sure that your children deal with the divorce process in the most positive way possible is essential to reduce the impact of this event on their lives. Children and teenagers can often conceal their distress during divorce proceedings. Finding ways to talk to them about their feelings will allow you to make the most positive impact on the lives of your children and their emotional health. Here are some strategies that can make the process easier for your children. Be Open and Honest Explaining the situation to your children does not require you to go into detail about the reasons for your divorce or information that may make them feel less secure. Instead, focus on how your divorce will affect them and the steps you and your former spouse will take to help make the transition easier. By creating and maintaining open lines of communication, you will build the foundation for honesty and trust. Listen Carefully Even if your child is expressing anger towards you or your former spouse, it is important to listen to what he or she has to say. In many cases, anger is a mask for true feelings of fear or anxiety about what will happen during the divorce process. A little sensitivity and patience will go a long way toward soothing anger and hurt feelings and providing the right support for your child during this difficult time. By allowing your child to express his or her emotions, you will create a healthier environment for these young members of your family. Offer Practical Details Your children may be wondering where they will live and go to school after your divorce is final. Providing them with this information as soon as you know it will allow them to adjust to the new situation more easily. If you are still uncertain about your plans, letting your children and teenagers know that you are still working things out may also be appropriate. While maintaining the same household and the same school is the ideal way to address these issues, it may not be practical for you and your former spouse. Explaining the reasons why you may need to move and the approximate timeframe for this activity will help you build trust and promote the best adjustment for your children during your divorce. Avoid Arguments With Your Former Spouse If you or your former partner still harbor anger or unhappiness about the reasons for your divorce, it can be difficult to avoid arguing in front of your children. Most parenting experts discourage indulging in negative feelings and showing hostility toward your former spouse, especially in front of your children. By making an effort to avoid emotional outbursts and work together to support your parenting efforts, you will be able to provide the support and care your children will need to navigate the divorce process more successfully. By working with an experienced mediation attorney, you and your former spouse can work through some of the adversarial elements of your divorce. This can help make the divorce process easier for you, your former partner and your children.

The teenage years can be difficult not only for your children but also for you as a parent. Finding ways to co-parent effectively during your child’s adolescence can provide you and your former spouse with added confidence in taking on the challenges involved during this period of growth and change. Understanding the basics for co-parenting teens will help you make the most positive choices when dealing with issues as they arise. Establish Consistent Limits Teenagers are known for testing limits and, in some cases, for playing one parent against the other to get what they want. Establishing clear curfews, limits and restrictions in cooperation with your co-parent will help stop these issues before they become serious problems for you and your family. Create Clear Lines of Communication Making sure to check up with your co-parent regarding changes in your teen’s schedule, sleepovers, school events, and other activities will ensure that you know where your child is at all times. This can also prevent problems that are caused when your teenager tells your co-parent one story and you another. Always checking up on your child’s plans with your co-parent is the best way to ensure the safety and well-being of your adolescent. Make Time for Friends For both you and your co-parent, making sure your teenager has time to spend with his or her friends is essential to ensure the development of social skills during this critical period of your child’s life. This may involve some juggling of schedules to ensure that your child can participate in group events or planned parties. Flexibility is the key to ensure your child’s happiness and well-being after your divorce. Manage Driving Time Wisely Older teenagers are often occupied with learning to drive and possibly earning money towards a vehicle of their own. Becoming a driver is a big step for a teenager, which is why it is important to discuss matters with your co-parent so that everyone is on the same page. It helps to answer a few key questions such as: Will you or your co-parent teach your child to drive? Will you invest in professional driving lessons? Will you pay for insurance costs for your child? If your teenager will work to earn money for a car and for insurance costs, where will he or she work? What hours work best with your teen’s schedule and with your own requirements? What restrictions will you place on your teenager’s ability to borrow your car or to drive their own vehicle? By discussing these questions with your co-parent before discussing them with your teen, you can present a united front regarding the expectations and restrictions on driving. Expect Emotional Reactions Hormones run high during adolescence. Your teenager is unlikely to be the exception to this rule. By making allowances for these emotional outbursts, you can create the most supportive environment for your teen during this difficult time. This can help you to navigate the teenage years with grace and stability. By working with your co-parent to create guidelines for your teen, you can ensure the best and most practical support for your children during the adolescent years. This can also help you prepare your child for the challenges of adult life.

If you and your former spouse have difficulty communicating with each other calmly, it can be challenging to take on the responsibilities of shared parenthood. A strategy known as parallel parenting can often provide added help for divorced parents who have serious conflicts with each other or who cannot discuss matters in a respectful manner. Here are some of the most important features of this co-parenting strategy. Dividing Responsibilities Rather than sharing responsibility for all elements of the child’s upbringing, parallel arrangements are designed to divide up these tasks and assign responsibility for a specific area to one parent. For example, one parent might take on full responsibility for all medical decisions and treatment visits. The other parent would then deal with educational decisions and arranging for registration and course selections for the child or children. This division of duties will often reduce the need for conversations that could become heated between you and your former partner. Minimizing Contact One of the most important features of parallel child-rearing strategies is the minimizing of direct contact between you and your co-parent. To this end, phone conversations are preferable to face-to-face interactions. In most cases, emails are better than either option and provide the most distance between you and your former partner. This can prevent your discussions from becoming hostile and creating further issues between you that can filter down to your children. By making major decisions through a neutral communication platform like email, you can prevent personal issues from standing in the way of raising your children. Keeping Children Protected Sheltering children from the damaging effects of arguments and heated disagreements is essential for their continuing growth and health. Parallel parenting is specifically designed to prevent angry confrontations from taking place in front of your children. This will reduce the emotional stress and worry experienced by your children as a result of your divorce and will help you maintain a more appropriate working relationship with your co-parent. Managing the Post-Divorce Period Parallel arrangements are extremely useful during the first few months after the divorce process has been finalized. These strategies will allow both you and your former partner to gain some perspective on the split and put some distance between the issues of the past and the challenges of co-parenting in the future. Parallel co-parenting does not have to be a permanent arrangement. As you and your former spouse or partner become more comfortable, you can change the way you communicate to provide added convenience for both of you. Focusing on the Children Another big advantage of parallel co-parenting is that it takes the focus away from the disagreements between you and your former partner and places it on the welfare of the children. By limiting the number of interactions necessary to make decisions and creating specific guidelines that allow you to communicate effectively, you and your co-parent can concentrate on providing the best possible environment for the children you are raising. If collaborative parenting is not a practical option for you and your former partner, parallel parenting may be the right solution for your situation.