Co-Parenting

Making changes in your custody schedule can be a challenging process, especially if your divorce was difficult or prolonged. In most cases, the schedule established by the courts in your parenting plan will be the deciding factor in the arrangements made for holidays, summer vacations and weekly visits. If you need to make a change in the custody schedule, these approaches may provide you with added help in negotiating the alterations you require. Offer a Trade Negotiating with your former partner to trade weekends or time during the summer can often produce the desired results. By offering your co-parent time of equal value in return for the time you want to spend with your children, you can usually reach a mutually beneficial agreement. This can also promote greater cooperation that can result in a more amicable environment for both of you in managing your parenting responsibilities. Demonstrate Flexibility To improve the chances that your former partner will be willing to make changes to custody schedules, you may need to demonstrate that you are also willing to honor reasonable requests by your co-parent. This may involve switching weekends or holiday arrangements to accommodate work schedules or to allow your children to go on a short trip or excursion with their other parent. By showing that you are willing to allow for changes in the schedule, you can increase the likelihood that your co-parent will do the same when the need arises. Be Specific About Your Plans Sharing the reason for your request can often lead to a more positive response from your co-parent. If you want to take your child to a limited-time event in your area or to a family gathering, letting your former spouse know why you want to change the schedule can make a real difference in the chance that they will accept your request for a temporary change in the custody arrangements. Have a Good Reason Asking for changes to the custody schedule should only occur when you have a definite and significant reason. It is expected that both you and your spouse will schedule routine appointments and activities during times when you will not be responsible for caring for your children. Avoiding frivolous requests for schedule changes can ensure that your co-parent will be more willing to accommodate you when the situation merits it. Discuss Your Plans With Your Co-Parent First It may be tempting to tell your family members or your children about your planned activities before clearing it with your former spouse. After a divorce, however, it is essential to make sure that your co-parent is on board with your plans and that you can arrange for the necessary changes to the schedule. If your former partner has already made plans for the time in question, it could cause serious disappointment for your children and hard feelings between you and your co-parent. Requesting the change in the schedule before letting others know about the plan is usually the best course of action for everyone involved. It is important to remember that the custody schedule set forth by the court in your divorce agreement is binding on both you and your former partner. If you need to make changes, you should be prepared to be flexible in return to ensure the best solutions for your entire family.

After your divorce, dealing with birthdays, holidays and other special events may present serious challenges for you and your co-parent. Finding ways to deal with these issues can help you provide the happiest childhood experiences for your little ones. Here are some important tips to help you manage the big days in your child’s life more effectively. Plan Ahead Discussing your holiday or birthday plans with your former partner well in advance can allow you to avoid misunderstandings and schedule conflicts. Depending on the terms of your divorce, you may have a set holiday schedule that provides you with a schedule for who will spend which holidays with your child. This schedule may be reversed for alternate years. In any case, letting your co-parent know about your plans in advance can promote the best possible communication about these special events in your child’s life. Coordinate Gifts Letting your former partner know what you plan to get for your child for holiday celebrations and birthdays can help you avoid the annoyance and inconvenience of duplicate gifts. A simple email or text message can go a long way toward coordinating your present-giving activities and ensuring that your child receives the gifts he or she is hoping for on birthdays and other holidays. You can also extend this courtesy to former in-laws and your own family. A little forethought and consideration will help to avoid disappointments and ensure the best outcomes for your child and your holiday celebrations.  Maintain Flexibility While, not all plans can be changed, allowing for some amount of wiggle room in drop-off and pick-up times will usually pay off in the long run. By providing your co-parent with the benefit of the doubt when dealing with schedule changes, you can avoid unpleasant confrontations that could potentially spoil the holidays for yourself, your children and your former spouse. Being willing to work with your former partner to keep the atmosphere pleasant during special occasions can be a solid step toward a happy holiday for every member of your family. Share Holidays If you and your ex are still on fairly good terms, you might consider sharing birthday party responsibilities or planning a meal with you, your former partner and your children at home or at a favorite restaurant. These shared experiences can make a big difference in the lives of your children and could allow you to enjoy a more relaxed and comfortable atmosphere during these special days. Focus on the Positives Although you may be on your own for a portion of the holiday season, you can make the most of this time by planning a vacation or setting aside some time just for yourself. This will allow you to rest and recuperate, which could allow you to be an even better parent upon the return of your children after the holidays are over. These tips can help you manage holidays and other special events more easily and can ensure the best experiences for yourself and your children after your divorce in the state of California.

Finding ways to stay in touch with your ex-spouse or partner during the summer months can help you co-parent more successfully. Providing accurate and comprehensive information in a timely way is a recommended best practice by many family courts and child welfare organizations. Making sure that both parents maintain open lines of communication throughout vacations and other activities during the summer months can allow you and your former partner to provide the best possible care for your children.  Managing Medical Care Making sure that both you and your co-parent are on the same page as far as immunizations, doctor’s visits and other key elements of medical care for your children is essential. Your children depend on you as their parent to provide them with the safest and most effective support for their health throughout their formative years. Providing your former partner with information on the medical treatments provided to your children and requesting the same information in return is the best way to keep your children healthy during childhood and adolescence. If a medical emergency does arise, letting your co-parent know as quickly as possible is the best way to provide your child with the support needed to deal with this issue. Be sure to provide your ex-partner with information on the nature of the emergency, the location of the hospital or clinic at which your child is being seen, the condition for which he or she is being treated and the name of a doctor or representative at the facility to contact for more information. Choosing a Form of Communication Selecting a primary method for contacting your co-parent and using it faithfully can help both of you stay in touch regarding the most important events in the lives of your children. The method you choose will often have a great deal to do with the degree of comfort you feel in discussing matters with your former spouse or partner: Telephone contact methods are ideal for parents who are on good terms and who can discuss matters without anger or hurt feelings. These contact strategies are straightforward and direct, which can save time and effort for both of you in managing your parenting duties. Text messages are convenient and can offer fast delivery and response times. Making sure you include all the relevant information in your texts can allow you to avoid misunderstandings and ensure open lines of communication about your children. Emails are useful for less urgent information, including vacation schedules, telephone numbers and routine medical care. If email is your chosen primary method of communication, establishing a back-up procedure for delivering immediate information is often the best way to ensure that these messages are seen right away. For example, calling about medical emergencies is often a faster method for letting your co-parent know about an emergency rather than emailing, which might not be seen for hours or even days. Keeping your communications cordial and to the point is recommended to promote better understanding between you and your co-parent after your divorce. Focusing specifically on matters dealing with your children and their care will make it easier to provide the best support for them now and for years to come.

Text messages, emails and shared schedules can make it easier for you to manage co-parenting after divorce. By putting these modern technologies to work, you and your former partner can provide the best possible support for your children. Sharing Your Schedules Shared calendars are a great way to manage appointments, custody arrangements and other schedule changes. Finding an application that works for you and your former spouse can be tricky. Some apps are designed specifically for co-parenting and may require a monthly fee for use, which may be challenging to maintain if on a tight budget after your divorce. Free scheduling software can help you avoid this issue. It may, however, lack the features and functionality of more expensive options. Regardless of the calendar software you choose, both you and your former partner should commit to updating your schedules with any new information to ensure the most accurate exchange of information as you take on the challenges of co-parenting after divorce. Taking on Texting Texting your former spouse or partner should be handled with care. In some cases, the messages you send may be misinterpreted or read in a tone that was not what you initially intended. While these rapid methods of communication are often useful in letting your former partner know about delays or problems as they arise, be careful of the phrasing and tone of your messages when sending text messages to your former partner. Navigating Social Media Social media sites like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are sometimes used as ways for families to stay in touch. These sites can be an excellent way to share photos from important events and activities that the other parent may miss out on such as the first day of school, birthday celebrations and holiday festivities. Another helpful feature that can be used on Facebook is the “check-in” feature, which can help keep co-parents updated on the whereabouts of their child when they are not in their custody.  Managing Stress Because emails and texts do not require you to meet with your former spouse personally, they can eliminate some of the stress associated with face-to-face encounters. This can allow you to reduce the anxiety and worry that can sometimes accompany direct confrontations or conversations. As your children grow up, you can also provide them with mobile devices that enable you to contact them directly rather than going through your former spouse for every minor issue that arises.  Emailing Your Co-Parent Email communications can allow you to provide detailed information and keep your child’s other parent in the loop regarding school events, family outings and other activities. Forwarding emails from school or family members to your former partner can help them plan more effectively for these events. Email communications should not be used to air grievances that can cause hard feelings between you and your former spouse. Instead, save your emails for information to ensure the best possible cooperation between you and your co-parent. Avoiding unpleasant confrontations can help you maintain a good working relationship throughout your co-parenting activities. Implementing the most practical technologies can help you and your former spouse navigate the challenges of co-parenting after divorce. This can help you provide the right support for your children while ensuring the best and most practical cooperation and collaboration between you and your co-parent. By working together, you can present a united front when dealing with issues related to your children and can help them grow into well-adjusted and emotionally healthy adults.

The right co-parenting apps can help you manage your responsibilities in conjunction with your former spouse or partner. Understanding the available technologies and applications can help you share information and parenting duties more easily and effectively. Here are some of the most practical and functional apps to consider for all your co-parenting needs. 2houses The 2houses app is designed to allow divorced parents to share a common schedule, financial information, and other items easily and quickly. The integrated dashboard provides access to a shared calendar that allows the addition of events and activities by both parents. Available for both iPhone and Android mobile systems, 2houses also offers messaging and the sharing of photos and other uploads to ensure the fastest and most practical communication options for you and your former spouse. The app also provides access to a mediator service to help you and your ex-partner deal with disagreements that occur during the parenting process. 2houses offers a free 14-day trial and requires a monthly fee of $9.99 (*based on annual payment) for the whole family after that. Cozi Designed for families, Cozi is a comprehensive organizer that allows for the storage of recipes, events, activities, and provides a convenient calendar for you and your former spouse. This app works with iPhone, iPad, Android, PC, and Mac platforms and includes to-do lists, a color-coded calendar, integrated reminders, and a family journal. Cozi is free to use and includes a list of best picks for a variety of gifts and educational products. Because it is designed for the entire family, it may lack some of the specific features included in specialized co-parenting apps. Fayr An application explicitly designed for co-parenting, Fayr was created by a separated father in conjunction with actress Gwyneth Paltrow to provide the most important functions for separated and divorced parents. It includes the capability to share schedules, upload financial information, access geolocation data, and message your co-parent to ensure easy communication at all times. Fayr also incorporates emotional support and argument diffusion tools to provide added support for you and your former spouse or partner. Available for Android and iPhone, Fayr is available for a monthly fee of $9.99 a month. A discount is available for 1-year or 3-year subscriptions. OurFamilyWizard Another co-parenting application designed for Android, iPhone, and computer browsers, OurFamilyWizard offers some of the most-wanted features for divorced or separated parents. Expenses, scheduling, communicating and storage of photos and documents are among the most practical functions available through this app. A shared calendar allows the addition of new activities along with a brief description, which can reduce stress and worry when passing along the information to your co-parent. An easy-to-use message board offers the integration of ToneMeter™, a tool that provides suggestions about changing certain phrases to promote a more harmonious relationship between you and your former partner. A subscription is required for OurFamilyWizard, which start at $99.00. Fee waivers may be available for lower-income families. Talking Parents Designed to provide a permanent record of communications between divorced or separated parents, Talking Parents offers secure messaging, a shared calendar, a personal journal and email notifications for parents working together to raise their children after a divorce. The free version is available for computer browsers only and includes ads. For a small monthly fee, subscribers can also access the app on their mobile devices and can store files on the system indefinitely. Taking a closer look at the available co-parenting apps on the market today can be a good way to share responsibilities with your former spouse or partner. This can help your children feel secure and supported after your separation or divorce and can foster a healthier relationship for all members of your family.

If you are in the process of a divorce in California, you may be wondering how to introduce this subject to your children.