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Things to Know When Facing a Gray Divorce

Things to Know When Facing a Gray Divorce

Couples over the age of 50 represent an increasing share of the number of divorces in the United States. This phenomenon is known as gray divorce and it presents some interesting challenges for those in their later years. Understanding the reasons behind and the complications of divorce after the age of 50 will help couples navigate this process more effectively for themselves and their families. Some of the most important reasons that couples decide to divorce after the age of 50 include financial issues, addictions of various kinds, infidelity and simply growing apart. Financial disagreements and difficulties often play a role in any divorce and particularly in gray divorce cases. Poor financial management and large amounts of debt can put stress on the marriage and can lead one or both parties to look for a way out of the situation. Addictions to drugs, alcohol or gambling are also major issues that can result in the breakup of a marriage. This is especially true for couples who are also under financial pressure or who have limited resources to devote to these addictive behaviors. Infidelity is a factor in gray divorce just as it is for younger couples. In some cases, older people may feel that they have limited time left to find a person with whom they can be happy. This can lead both to infidelities and to a greater willingness to divorce when they are unhappy in their marriages. As couples grow older, they may find they do not have similar interests. Growing apart is one of the most common reasons for couples to divorce after the age of 50. Children may also be uncomfortable or unhappy with the idea of their parents entering the dating scene again. Being open and honest is usually the best policy when planning a resumption of dating or establishing a new relationship after a divorce. Division of assets and debts will typically be challenging for couples at any age. For divorce proceedings for people over the age of 50, however, the process may be complicated by retirement income, Social Security payments, life insurance policies and other financial arrangements that may be difficult to untangle. If one spouse worked while the other did not, this can also create issues if the non-working spouse cannot find a way to support himself or herself. Working with an attorney who specializes in gray divorce is generally the best way to handle these legal arrangements and to achieve the best outcomes for you and your spouse alike. By working with an attorney with experience in this field, you can ensure that your divorce goes smoothly and that you can enjoy the most comfortable life in your golden years.

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Tips for How to Bring Up Divorce to Your Spouse

Beginning an initial discussion about divorce with your spouse can be a difficult process. You may be unsure of how they will react or may be worried about the impact of divorce on your financial and family arrangements. Planning ahead for this conversation can often provide you with added confidence when bringing up the topic with your partner. Here are a few helpful tips to help you introduce the subject of divorce in California in a calm and non-confrontational way. Consider the Short-term and Long-term Effects Before bringing up the topic of divorce with your spouse, it is a good idea to consider your current financial situation, living arrangements and responsibilities to minor children or other members of your family. Making a clear plan about how to manage these issues can help you feel more self-assured when beginning discussions about divorce with your spouse. Even if your current plans are not immediately acceptable to your partner, you can at least present a general outline of what you would like to see happen. Choose Your Time and Place Carefully The right environment can have a significant impact on your spouse’s reaction to the topic of divorce. Finding a quiet moment at home or in a secluded location is likely to help your partner feel more at ease. Divorce is an emotional subject that could lead to tears, anger or other reactions. Making sure that both of you are as calm and comfortable as possible will often make the discussion easier and more productive. Don’t Act Impulsively During the heat of an argument, it may be appealing to throw the idea of divorce into the fight to try to gain the upper hand. This can be counterproductive and may result in more problems for your marriage. Discussing the idea of divorce should be reserved for calmer moments when both you and your partner are prepared to look at the situation from a relatively objective standpoint. Be as Honest as Possible Stating your reasons for wanting a divorce in plain and direct terms will often result in greater understanding of the situation for both of you. While it is usually not recommended to rehash all the problems and issues between the two of you, a simple statement that includes your main reasons for considering divorce will often provide your partner with the chance to respond with his or her own view on the subject. Seek Legal Counsel Touching base with an attorney or divorce mediation team can provide you with added help when planning for your divorce in California. These legal professionals can help you protect your financial assets and deal with any concerns about the procedural aspects of divorce. A Note About COVID-19 Restrictions put in place during the COVID-19 pandemic can make it difficult for you and your spouse to find the right time and place for divorce discussions. Especially if you have children, you may find it difficult to get the privacy you need for this conversation. In some cases, it may be possible to find a quiet moment after the children are asleep or while they are playing outside to have this discussion. Be sure to let your partner know the topic of the discussion before beginning your talk. Working with an attorney who offers divorce mediation services can allow for a smoother and less contentious process for your divorce in California. By taking a thoughtful and considerate approach to initial divorce discussions, you can pave the way for a more cordial relationship with your former spouse in the future.

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Coronavirus Challenges Faced by Blended Families

The COVID-19 pandemic has presented significant problems for nearly every sector of the economy and every part of our society. Coronavirus and the restrictions associated with this illness can have an especially large impact on blended families. Understanding some of the possible effects of the coronavirus on divorced and blended families will provide added help in navigating the new normal for parents and children. Here are some of the most common challenges facing blended families during the COVID-19 outbreak. Living Arrangements and Custody Balancing the need to reduce the potential risk of coronavirus with the right of parents to see their children after a divorce can be a real challenge, especially if one or both families include individuals at serious risk if they should contract the virus. Finding ways to negotiate these situations to keep all family members as safe as possible can be difficult for parents sharing custody of their children in the state of California. Parents may feel that their rights to custody or visitation are being disregarded because of unfounded fears about the transmission of COVID-19. On the other side of the equation, some parents may be worried about the added risk that the virus poses to certain vulnerable members of their family. Finding a mutually beneficial way to balance health concerns and the rights of custodial and non-custodial parents to spend time with children can be difficult. It is important to consider the matter from the perspective of the other parent to find the right solution for your blended family. Enforced Togetherness In areas where COVID-19 stay-at-home orders are in place, children and adults alike may find it difficult to achieve a measure of privacy inside or outside your home. This can be especially problematic for newly blended families without clear-cut boundaries and spaces for each member to call his or her own. The ability to retreat from social interactions within the family is of critical importance in maintaining good relationships and preserving the emotional health of parents and children. Experts recommend assigning each individual an area to which they can escape and enjoy some privacy. This can be anywhere indoors or outdoors on your property that the adult or child feels comfortable. When discussions or interactions become too intense or when one of you just needs a break, retreating to your own personal safe space is a great way to promote a healthier and happier blended family now and when the pandemic restrictions are relaxed. A little time apart can make time spent together even better for your entire family. Increased Stress The dramatic change in daily routines and fears about the coronavirus have had an impact on almost every family in California and across the United States. The added stress can make even minor conflicts feel like major issues. It is important for you and your entire family to make allowances for this stress and to accept that there will be some added friction and overreaction by adults and children during this difficult time. This can help you and your blended family to weather the current storm and to promote the healthiest relationships now and in the future.

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Tips for Managing Co-Parenting Responsibilities in a Pandemic

The coronavirus pandemic has had a dramatic impact on life in the United States. Parents who share custody of their children after a divorce should consider the way in which their actions could affect their children and their former spouse or partner. In some cases, making temporary changes to the custody schedule could provide added protection for the younger members of your family and the two households involved in your custody arrangements. Here are some of the most practical and positive tips for staying connected in your co-parenting duties during the COVID-19 emergency. Put Your Children First If you are worried that you may have been exposed to COVID-19 during the course of your daily activities, taking steps to prevent the potential transmission of coronavirus to your co-parent and your children is essential. Although it is believed children are less likely to contract serious or fatal cases of the disease, some younger people have been hospitalized or have died from COVID-19 over the past few weeks. Practicing social distancing and limiting activities in public to the bare minimum is the most responsible way to deal with the current pandemic and manage your parenting duties. Establish Common Priorities For both you and your co-parent, establishing a set of priorities for your children and your activities will help you manage the stresses and challenges of this trying time. Depending on where you live and the restrictions on activities in your area, you may need to establish schedules for homeschooling, completing schoolwork and managing screen time for your children. Setting aside some time each day for safe and distanced outside play will also help you and your co-parent keep your children happy and healthy for the duration of the COVID-19 outbreak. Create Alternative Strategies for Communicating If you normally communicate with your co-parent through face-to-face conversations, now may be the best time to shift to telephonic contacts and teleconferencing applications like Skype or Facetime. This can also keep grandparents and extended family members close without presenting the risk of spreading the coronavirus to these vulnerable individuals. By implementing these co-parenting communication methods, you can practice social distancing while keeping in touch with your loved ones. Make Accommodations Income levels can fluctuate significantly for those affected by the coronavirus pandemic. Gig workers and those in non-essential industries may be laid off or may experience a significant reduction in the work they can perform and the pay they receive. Being flexible and making allowances for changes in income and the ability to pay child support can help you to continue co-parenting successfully and can set the stage for future cooperation after the current emergency situation is over. Most family court services are limited during the COVID-19 pandemic to prevent the spread of the virus. As a result, it is essential for you and your co-parent to find ways to resolve issues without recourse to these legal avenues. This will help you demonstrate your willingness to adjust to changing conditions and work with your co-parent to create the best environment for your children.

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What Divorce Mediation Really Looks Like

Divorce mediation can be a solid solution for couples who no longer wish to be married but are not on hostile terms with each other. Understanding the five stages that typically make up the mediation process will help you and your former spouse determine if this option is the right one for you. Here are the five stages of divorce mediation.  Introducing Mediation During this stage of divorce mediation, you and your former partner will meet with the mediator to provide basic information and to determine whether you are good candidates for this process. Your mediator will typically use this first series of meetings as a way to evaluate the level of anger and hurt feelings and to assess the chances of success for a mediated divorce. Gathering Information Your mediator will also request a wide range of information from you and your former partner, including information on any children, living arrangements, financial matters and other issues that could affect the progress of your divorce. Providing accurate information to your mediator can help you and your former spouse come to an equitable arrangement about your finances, custody arrangements and the terms of your divorce. The information-gathering stage of mediation happens early in the process to allow time for corrections and to make sure that all information is available to make the right decisions for your case. Framing the Discussion After most or all of the information has been collected by your mediator, he or she will begin the process of framing your divorce discussions in terms of your primary goals and desired outcomes. This may involve joint or individual sessions that will highlight the goals and wishes of both you and your former partner. The framing process will help your mediator determine the best approach for working through any differences and will help you achieve your goals as a divorced couple. Negotiating Terms The hard work of mediation generally takes place during negotiations regarding all aspects of your divorce proceedings, including the following: Child custody and visitation arrangements Decisions regarding the education, medical treatments and religious upbringing of children Division of marital assets and debts Living arrangements Divorce mediators specialize in finding workable compromises that allow both you and your former spouse to get at least part of what you want during your divorce proceedings. Your mediator will work with you to determine the best and most practical solutions for managing the terms of your divorce for both you and your former spouse. Concluding the Mediation Process When all elements of your divorce have been worked out to the satisfaction of both you and your former spouse, your mediator will create a settlement agreement for you to review. If you both agree to sign, the settlement agreement will be submitted to the courts as part of the documentation associated with your divorce. Divorce mediation can reduce the disputes that often accompany the end of a marriage and the beginning of new separate lives. For couples who can find a way to reach agreements on most major issues, mediation is a solid solution that can lower levels of stress and tension throughout the divorce process.

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Tips for Talking Kids Through the Divorce Process

Knowing how to talk to your children about divorce can help you and your former partner provide the support needed to help your kids navigate through this difficult process. A few simple tips can make a big difference in the ability of your children to understand and adjust to the new situation. Here are five proven strategies for explaining the divorce process to your children. Allow Plenty of Time Choosing a time without any major distractions or scheduling problems is essential to provide your children with plenty of opportunities to ask questions and for you to calm their fears. Your kids will typically have concerns about their future living arrangements, where they will go to school and how much time they will have with each of their parents during and after the divorce. Be ready to answer these questions and to soothe any worries your children may have about their own well-being after the divorce. Present a United Front Even if you and your former partner are not on the best of terms, it is usually preferable to break the news to your children together. This will allow you to demonstrate that both you and your former partner intend to continue to be part of each child’s life now and after the divorce process is completed. By letting your children know the news in a unified and calm way, you can lower their stress levels during this difficult time. Avoid Open Hostility Divorce can be difficult for all parties. Hurt feelings and blame for the breakdown of the relationship can make it difficult for you and your former partner to communicate calmly about your divorce. Most experts recommend, however, that you avoid saying negative things about your former partner to your children during any discussions about divorce. You and your co-parent will be sharing the responsibility for your children for years to come. Keeping things civil during the divorce will help you establish the best foundation for your children’s future happiness. Watch for Signs of Trouble Children may act out or become depressed after you talk to them about your divorce. Keeping a close eye on their behaviors during the days, weeks and months after you speak to them about your plans to divorce will allow you to act quickly to help them cope. It may also be helpful to schedule a conference with the teachers of your children to let them know about your divorce and to ensure that they are aware of the extenuating circumstances for your children. Consider the Age of Your Children Younger children do not need the same level of detail about living arrangements and other issues related to divorce. Simply letting them know that you and your former partner are not getting along and that you will be living in separate homes is usually enough for these younger children. Older children may have many more questions about where they will go to school and with whom they will live. Making sure that children of all ages feel secure and safe during the divorce process is essential to ensure the best outcomes for your family. Keeping these five tips in mind can allow you to navigate your divorce more easily and can help your children weather the process in the most positive way possible.

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