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Making sure that your children deal with the divorce process in the most positive way possible is essential to reduce the impact of this event on their lives. Children and teenagers can often conceal their distress during divorce proceedings. Finding ways to talk to them about their feelings will allow you to make the most positive impact on the lives of your children and their emotional health. Here are some strategies that can make the process easier for your children. Be Open and Honest Explaining the situation to your children does not require you to go into detail about the reasons for your divorce or information that may make them feel less secure. Instead, focus on how your divorce will affect them and the steps you and your former spouse will take to help make the transition easier. By creating and maintaining open lines of communication, you will build the foundation for honesty and trust. Listen Carefully Even if your child is expressing anger towards you or your former spouse, it is important to listen to what he or she has to say. In many cases, anger is a mask for true feelings of fear or anxiety about what will happen during the divorce process. A little sensitivity and patience will go a long way toward soothing anger and hurt feelings and providing the right support for your child during this difficult time. By allowing your child to express his or her emotions, you will create a healthier environment for these young members of your family. Offer Practical Details Your children may be wondering where they will live and go to school after your divorce is final. Providing them with this information as soon as you know it will allow them to adjust to the new situation more easily. If you are still uncertain about your plans, letting your children and teenagers know that you are still working things out may also be appropriate. While maintaining the same household and the same school is the ideal way to address these issues, it may not be practical for you and your former spouse. Explaining the reasons why you may need to move and the approximate timeframe for this activity will help you build trust and promote the best adjustment for your children during your divorce. Avoid Arguments With Your Former Spouse If you or your former partner still harbor anger or unhappiness about the reasons for your divorce, it can be difficult to avoid arguing in front of your children. Most parenting experts discourage indulging in negative feelings and showing hostility toward your former spouse, especially in front of your children. By making an effort to avoid emotional outbursts and work together to support your parenting efforts, you will be able to provide the support and care your children will need to navigate the divorce process more successfully. By working with an experienced mediation attorney, you and your former spouse can work through some of the adversarial elements of your divorce. This can help make the divorce process easier for you, your former partner and your children.

The teenage years can be difficult not only for your children but also for you as a parent. Finding ways to co-parent effectively during your child’s adolescence can provide you and your former spouse with added confidence in taking on the challenges involved during this period of growth and change. Understanding the basics for co-parenting teens will help you make the most positive choices when dealing with issues as they arise. Establish Consistent Limits Teenagers are known for testing limits and, in some cases, for playing one parent against the other to get what they want. Establishing clear curfews, limits and restrictions in cooperation with your co-parent will help stop these issues before they become serious problems for you and your family. Create Clear Lines of Communication Making sure to check up with your co-parent regarding changes in your teen’s schedule, sleepovers, school events, and other activities will ensure that you know where your child is at all times. This can also prevent problems that are caused when your teenager tells your co-parent one story and you another. Always checking up on your child’s plans with your co-parent is the best way to ensure the safety and well-being of your adolescent. Make Time for Friends For both you and your co-parent, making sure your teenager has time to spend with his or her friends is essential to ensure the development of social skills during this critical period of your child’s life. This may involve some juggling of schedules to ensure that your child can participate in group events or planned parties. Flexibility is the key to ensure your child’s happiness and well-being after your divorce. Manage Driving Time Wisely Older teenagers are often occupied with learning to drive and possibly earning money towards a vehicle of their own. Becoming a driver is a big step for a teenager, which is why it is important to discuss matters with your co-parent so that everyone is on the same page. It helps to answer a few key questions such as: Will you or your co-parent teach your child to drive? Will you invest in professional driving lessons? Will you pay for insurance costs for your child? If your teenager will work to earn money for a car and for insurance costs, where will he or she work? What hours work best with your teen’s schedule and with your own requirements? What restrictions will you place on your teenager’s ability to borrow your car or to drive their own vehicle? By discussing these questions with your co-parent before discussing them with your teen, you can present a united front regarding the expectations and restrictions on driving. Expect Emotional Reactions Hormones run high during adolescence. Your teenager is unlikely to be the exception to this rule. By making allowances for these emotional outbursts, you can create the most supportive environment for your teen during this difficult time. This can help you to navigate the teenage years with grace and stability. By working with your co-parent to create guidelines for your teen, you can ensure the best and most practical support for your children during the adolescent years. This can also help you prepare your child for the challenges of adult life.

If you and your former spouse have difficulty communicating with each other calmly, it can be challenging to take on the responsibilities of shared parenthood. A strategy known as parallel parenting can often provide added help for divorced parents who have serious conflicts with each other or who cannot discuss matters in a respectful manner. Here are some of the most important features of this co-parenting strategy. Dividing Responsibilities Rather than sharing responsibility for all elements of the child’s upbringing, parallel arrangements are designed to divide up these tasks and assign responsibility for a specific area to one parent. For example, one parent might take on full responsibility for all medical decisions and treatment visits. The other parent would then deal with educational decisions and arranging for registration and course selections for the child or children. This division of duties will often reduce the need for conversations that could become heated between you and your former partner. Minimizing Contact One of the most important features of parallel child-rearing strategies is the minimizing of direct contact between you and your co-parent. To this end, phone conversations are preferable to face-to-face interactions. In most cases, emails are better than either option and provide the most distance between you and your former partner. This can prevent your discussions from becoming hostile and creating further issues between you that can filter down to your children. By making major decisions through a neutral communication platform like email, you can prevent personal issues from standing in the way of raising your children. Keeping Children Protected Sheltering children from the damaging effects of arguments and heated disagreements is essential for their continuing growth and health. Parallel parenting is specifically designed to prevent angry confrontations from taking place in front of your children. This will reduce the emotional stress and worry experienced by your children as a result of your divorce and will help you maintain a more appropriate working relationship with your co-parent. Managing the Post-Divorce Period Parallel arrangements are extremely useful during the first few months after the divorce process has been finalized. These strategies will allow both you and your former partner to gain some perspective on the split and put some distance between the issues of the past and the challenges of co-parenting in the future. Parallel co-parenting does not have to be a permanent arrangement. As you and your former spouse or partner become more comfortable, you can change the way you communicate to provide added convenience for both of you. Focusing on the Children Another big advantage of parallel co-parenting is that it takes the focus away from the disagreements between you and your former partner and places it on the welfare of the children. By limiting the number of interactions necessary to make decisions and creating specific guidelines that allow you to communicate effectively, you and your co-parent can concentrate on providing the best possible environment for the children you are raising. If collaborative parenting is not a practical option for you and your former partner, parallel parenting may be the right solution for your situation.

Making changes in your custody schedule can be a challenging process, especially if your divorce was difficult or prolonged. In most cases, the schedule established by the courts in your parenting plan will be the deciding factor in the arrangements made for holidays, summer vacations and weekly visits. If you need to make a change in the custody schedule, these approaches may provide you with added help in negotiating the alterations you require. Offer a Trade Negotiating with your former partner to trade weekends or time during the summer can often produce the desired results. By offering your co-parent time of equal value in return for the time you want to spend with your children, you can usually reach a mutually beneficial agreement. This can also promote greater cooperation that can result in a more amicable environment for both of you in managing your parenting responsibilities. Demonstrate Flexibility To improve the chances that your former partner will be willing to make changes to custody schedules, you may need to demonstrate that you are also willing to honor reasonable requests by your co-parent. This may involve switching weekends or holiday arrangements to accommodate work schedules or to allow your children to go on a short trip or excursion with their other parent. By showing that you are willing to allow for changes in the schedule, you can increase the likelihood that your co-parent will do the same when the need arises. Be Specific About Your Plans Sharing the reason for your request can often lead to a more positive response from your co-parent. If you want to take your child to a limited-time event in your area or to a family gathering, letting your former spouse know why you want to change the schedule can make a real difference in the chance that they will accept your request for a temporary change in the custody arrangements. Have a Good Reason Asking for changes to the custody schedule should only occur when you have a definite and significant reason. It is expected that both you and your spouse will schedule routine appointments and activities during times when you will not be responsible for caring for your children. Avoiding frivolous requests for schedule changes can ensure that your co-parent will be more willing to accommodate you when the situation merits it. Discuss Your Plans With Your Co-Parent First It may be tempting to tell your family members or your children about your planned activities before clearing it with your former spouse. After a divorce, however, it is essential to make sure that your co-parent is on board with your plans and that you can arrange for the necessary changes to the schedule. If your former partner has already made plans for the time in question, it could cause serious disappointment for your children and hard feelings between you and your co-parent. Requesting the change in the schedule before letting others know about the plan is usually the best course of action for everyone involved. It is important to remember that the custody schedule set forth by the court in your divorce agreement is binding on both you and your former partner. If you need to make changes, you should be prepared to be flexible in return to ensure the best solutions for your entire family.

After your divorce, dealing with birthdays, holidays and other special events may present serious challenges for you and your co-parent. Finding ways to deal with these issues can help you provide the happiest childhood experiences for your little ones. Here are some important tips to help you manage the big days in your child’s life more effectively. Plan Ahead Discussing your holiday or birthday plans with your former partner well in advance can allow you to avoid misunderstandings and schedule conflicts. Depending on the terms of your divorce, you may have a set holiday schedule that provides you with a schedule for who will spend which holidays with your child. This schedule may be reversed for alternate years. In any case, letting your co-parent know about your plans in advance can promote the best possible communication about these special events in your child’s life. Coordinate Gifts Letting your former partner know what you plan to get for your child for holiday celebrations and birthdays can help you avoid the annoyance and inconvenience of duplicate gifts. A simple email or text message can go a long way toward coordinating your present-giving activities and ensuring that your child receives the gifts he or she is hoping for on birthdays and other holidays. You can also extend this courtesy to former in-laws and your own family. A little forethought and consideration will help to avoid disappointments and ensure the best outcomes for your child and your holiday celebrations.  Maintain Flexibility While, not all plans can be changed, allowing for some amount of wiggle room in drop-off and pick-up times will usually pay off in the long run. By providing your co-parent with the benefit of the doubt when dealing with schedule changes, you can avoid unpleasant confrontations that could potentially spoil the holidays for yourself, your children and your former spouse. Being willing to work with your former partner to keep the atmosphere pleasant during special occasions can be a solid step toward a happy holiday for every member of your family. Share Holidays If you and your ex are still on fairly good terms, you might consider sharing birthday party responsibilities or planning a meal with you, your former partner and your children at home or at a favorite restaurant. These shared experiences can make a big difference in the lives of your children and could allow you to enjoy a more relaxed and comfortable atmosphere during these special days. Focus on the Positives Although you may be on your own for a portion of the holiday season, you can make the most of this time by planning a vacation or setting aside some time just for yourself. This will allow you to rest and recuperate, which could allow you to be an even better parent upon the return of your children after the holidays are over. These tips can help you manage holidays and other special events more easily and can ensure the best experiences for yourself and your children after your divorce in the state of California.

Finding ways to stay in touch with your ex-spouse or partner during the summer months can help you co-parent more successfully. Providing accurate and comprehensive information in a timely way is a recommended best practice by many family courts and child welfare organizations. Making sure that both parents maintain open lines of communication throughout vacations and other activities during the summer months can allow you and your former partner to provide the best possible care for your children.  Managing Medical Care Making sure that both you and your co-parent are on the same page as far as immunizations, doctor’s visits and other key elements of medical care for your children is essential. Your children depend on you as their parent to provide them with the safest and most effective support for their health throughout their formative years. Providing your former partner with information on the medical treatments provided to your children and requesting the same information in return is the best way to keep your children healthy during childhood and adolescence. If a medical emergency does arise, letting your co-parent know as quickly as possible is the best way to provide your child with the support needed to deal with this issue. Be sure to provide your ex-partner with information on the nature of the emergency, the location of the hospital or clinic at which your child is being seen, the condition for which he or she is being treated and the name of a doctor or representative at the facility to contact for more information. Choosing a Form of Communication Selecting a primary method for contacting your co-parent and using it faithfully can help both of you stay in touch regarding the most important events in the lives of your children. The method you choose will often have a great deal to do with the degree of comfort you feel in discussing matters with your former spouse or partner: Telephone contact methods are ideal for parents who are on good terms and who can discuss matters without anger or hurt feelings. These contact strategies are straightforward and direct, which can save time and effort for both of you in managing your parenting duties. Text messages are convenient and can offer fast delivery and response times. Making sure you include all the relevant information in your texts can allow you to avoid misunderstandings and ensure open lines of communication about your children. Emails are useful for less urgent information, including vacation schedules, telephone numbers and routine medical care. If email is your chosen primary method of communication, establishing a back-up procedure for delivering immediate information is often the best way to ensure that these messages are seen right away. For example, calling about medical emergencies is often a faster method for letting your co-parent know about an emergency rather than emailing, which might not be seen for hours or even days. Keeping your communications cordial and to the point is recommended to promote better understanding between you and your co-parent after your divorce. Focusing specifically on matters dealing with your children and their care will make it easier to provide the best support for them now and for years to come.